When Somebody Loved Me
by Notebook Girl
Summary: A man wanders the streets of London to avoid going back to where he belongs and a young women fights to raise her son in rising poverty and avoid a not-so-strange visitor. Do they have anything to do with one anther or are they simply different people?
1. Chapter One: The Begining

  
  
It was a cold and rainy night in the beginning of November. It was the kind of night where families would sit in front of the fire. Children would be jumping at there families when they returned home and the nanny would leave. Hugs kisses and laughter would be exchanged and they would sit down to a peaceful evening.  
The evening was anything but peaceful for the man who walked the streets of London. He had no family anymore. No home. No life He had no umbrella and he pulled the back of his brown coat up to avoid the rain. Not that he cared really. Who would care if he caught his death of cold? He was nobody.  
_No. You are somebody_ said a tiny voice in the back of his head.   
"Not anymore!" he said aloud to the darkness. Then more quietly. "No one cares"  
Yes once he had been somebody. Once he had had friends. But that was a distant memory. He walked with a limp the man did. If you looked close you saw the look of pain every time he stepped. No one ever looked close anymore. Someone once had. Someone special. Someone who didn't know him now.   
"Look Mummy!" a little boy cried from a covered bus stop. "It's a dirty old hobo. Look at his dirty clothes and messy hair."  
"Hush Johnny!" She scolded the boy. The look she gave the man though could have frozen the sun. _As if it is my fault your child is rude._  
Truth be told he wasn't o_ld_ he was quite young. Just over twenty-five he looked about forty. He wandered awhile up one street down the other looking for a small shelter.   
He finally found a covered awning under which to sleep. He curled up underneath his torn ratty meager coat. He tossed a bit as if having an internal debate. And indeed he was.  
_Not tonight. Yes, tonight. No, I don't want to put myself through that again. Yes, I need it_ in the end he gave into temptation. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a weathered photograph. A young girl was holding a baby by a lake. Her eyes sparkled merrily but there was a hint of sadness. She didn't know why he was leaving.   
He could still remember their last argument.  
_ "Why are you deserting me bastard?" She had screamed._  
_ "Aw shit I am not deserting you!" calm, cool. _  
_ "Then what do you call it? Enlighten me.' He sighed exasperated. _  
_ "Okay I'll enlighten you. I'm saving your skin. It's me he wants. He proved that ages ago! If he can't find me he can be weakened!"_  
_ "I don't care about that! I care about you! I care about our child!"_  
_ "Well, then, if you care about him let me go. I don't want him growing up with all this. Or worse without parents."  
"Will you be back?" she whispered. He looked away._  
_ "If I can."_  
_ "Promise me!"_  
_ "I don't think I could do that."_  
But then of course he had had every intention of coming back. This was before. Before he realized what he was.   
Back in the now the man curled his long skinny fingers around the photo like a small child with a favorite cuddly teddy bear. The rain leaked through the awning on to his face melting with tears and intertwining until you couldn't tell which was which.   
She was doing fine so he last heard. Someone had found him and written him he didn't know whom. The letter had been addressed to him the address was   
_Bus Stop of the day_. The letter had simply said that she was doing fine and not to worry but it had urged him to come back. He had cursed and thrown it into the trash. And turned as if to leave. However then he dug it out again and secured it in his pocket.  
A few months after that he had written her a short note on the back of a Crunchy bar smiling at how he loved them when he was young.  
_Darling _  
_I am ok don't worry. I can't come back. You wouldn't want who I have become you and our son don't need me. You are better off. Please forget about me though I will never forget you._  
_ Love Forever_  
He had not signed this note. He knew she'd know whom it was from.   
He awoke the next morning and the sun was shining. This never seemed to matter to the man. The sun never shown on him. Not even in the middle of summer. He survived on the mere earnings of a chimney sweep. A job that it didn't matter if he was filthy. He ate small meals. If any.  
He didn't deserve more. He didn't know why he kept on living but he didn't have the guts to kill himself. He didn't deserve death either. By now you are probably wondering what he did. It was more like what he didn't do.  
He had realized it after he left. Sure had had thought it was best to leave but he knew then that he _had_ deserted them. He was a coward. A runner. He should have faced up to his fears. Should have stayed and protected his family. That's what his friends did. They weren't cowards. He had always been a coward; he always roped his friend into helping him. It was a wonder that they had stayed with him,  
**_But_****_ they did. _**_Along time ago._  
Sure now his fears had been concurred but then they hadn't. No use dwelling on it now. He mused.That life was over.  
Or was it?   
He didn't know all he knew was that he was alone. All he knew was he missed her and had missed her and had for the past five years.  
Imagine that Harry Potter alone.   
  
The young lady trudged down the street heading once again for the unemployment office. She had left her child in the flat. It scared her to do that but if she hadn't they might not have a flat. She had 60 to her name and the rent was 170 and they had to eat. Ha! If you could call canned food and water eating.  
"May I heeelllppp yoou?" asked the snotty lady at the desk and she had to fight the urge to slap her.   
"Yes," false smile "I was wondering if you have any new jobs?"  
"Hmm… let me see." As if she didn't do this every hour of the day.  
"Yes, we have an opening for a janitor."  
_Yeah-right lady I'm not that poor._ "Is that all?"  
"Fraid so dearie." She had turned and felt a wave of depression over coming her. Then outside the door a lady stopped her.…   
"Hello. I was about to place an offer for a teacher in the three-year-old room of the Daycare I work for. Would you be interested?"  
"Where do I sign?" Luck was on her side for the first time in years. She returned home that night exhausted. The director of the Sunny Days Day-care had drilled her on her experience endlessly. No, it didn't matter she had an almost six year old. Had she ever worked in any other daycare? NO okay No so what?   
Finally reluctantly the director had hired her. She had asked very quietly that if it were possible she would need to get a small check within two weeks. Only a small one taken out of her paycheck only to pay her rent. Reluctant again she had agreed.  
"Only if you agree to stay six months at least!" _like I am going to willingly leave a job!_   
When she got home her son jumped at her.  
"Mummy! Mummy Uncle is here!" _NOOOO! What the hell was he doing here???_  
She inhaled and walked inside.   
"Nice place." He commented.  
"No, it isn't. You're an awful liar."   
"Granted." He grinned.   
"How did you find me?" She was overwhelmingly curious. She had hidden her tracks well she thought.  
"I looked hard." She sighed. He would.   
"I left for a reason."  
"A dumbarse reason." C.J. gazed at him.  
"You said the A word!"  
"Sorry."  
"Ceej why don't you go play?"  
"Okay mummy," he went to the bedroom in the three-room flat.  
"So anyway dumba- er stupid reasons."  
"I couldn't live there anymore! What's stupid about that?"  
"Everything! I mean you had a mansion and now look where you are living!"  
"We're happy here." She said this quietly and he knew she didn't mean it.  
"Like hell! You took C.J. away from his family."  
"I'm his family."  
"Right. Where does he go to school?" she muttered something. "Sorry didn't catch that."  
"A convent school!"  
"We have the finest schools!"  
"And the memories!"  
"You could move!"  
"That's what I did!"  
"I mean somewhere else among us."  
"The community is to small."  
"You could have at least written!"  
"And have Mum here? Nuho thanks."  
"Mum's in a right state!"  
"She'll get over it."  
"After another three years am I right?"  
"Maybe."  
"Don't you care?"  
"Yeah. I care. I care too much. Too much about him!"  
"I thought we were over this."   
"He wrote me!"  
"Really?" she nodded and pulled out the letter. He frowned.  
"That's his writing for sure. Could you trace it?"   
"No."  
"Damn." There was silence. "Please?"  
"No,"  
"C'mon!"  
"No dammit no! In fact get out!"  
"Pardon?"  
"Out. Of. My. House er Flat."  
"Okay. Okay. But think about it okay?"  
"Yeah." _I'll think about it. One day. But not now._  
"I'll miss you. Love you Loud Mouth."  
"You too Ickle Boy." They smiled at each other and he left. She leaned against the door and let the tears flow down her cheeks.  
"Mummy?"  
"Yes?"  
"Why isn't Uncle staying?" _Oh boy._  
"Umm because he had to go back home."  
"Why can't we go back?"  
"C.J. I told you we can't go back. Not ever. Because… Because … because they don't want us."  
"Uncle wants us! I wanna go back!"  
"CJ stop that whining!"  
"Sorry Mummy."  
"Its okay sweetie." He couldn't know. Not yet.


	2. Chapter Two: Reminders

A/N this chapter is a bit early actually. Okay it is about the oh fifth of November now.

            Harry Potter was always depressed now. He had been wandering the alleys for three hours. No one had a job for him today. Apparently most families spent late nights at the movies. He trudged along through the muck and grime of this part of the city. This was the poor section, where families lived ten to a house and some more. Aunts', uncles', cousins, and grandparents all living together.

            One family he knew didn't even need the aunts' uncles and cousins. _Correction **used** to know. _He knew no one now and no one knew him. His stomach rumbled but he had long ago learned to ignore it. He didn't know what he was doing in this section of town. No one had enough money to rip off. He hated doing that but he had to if he hadn't eaten for a while. 

            He walked toward the richer houses. Rich and ignorant were how he liked 'em. His shoes were worn through. They had been a present all those years ago...

            _"Happy Birthday too yoooouuu" they had crooned. He had shouted for them to stop. Not to break the glass and she had whacked him over the head with a box wrapped with gold paper._

_            "Owww. Hey what was that for?" she had pretended not to here him. And had handed him the box._

            "Here smarty, open it." Inside had been a pair of Dragon Hide boots. "For where ever your feet take you." She had said with a smile on her face that did not go to her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. This was a week before he left.

   Bet she never thought they would carry me around London alleys. For five years. Of course not all of that time had been spent in London alleys. Some of it had been in a penthouse near the Thames; he didn't know exactly what date it was when he had decided not to go back. Maybe sometime in February 2001, the first Valentines Day since he left. 

            He sighed and turned down a back alley one of his shortcuts. _Ever since Cedric died the wizard world had definatly not held him in the same_ _reverence as they had before. Partly thanks to Rita Skeeter, sure after Hermione captured her she hadn't been as bad but before… that had served i's purpose._

            There was a noise off to the side. Harry looked and all he saw were a bunch of boxes. 

            _Now I'm hearing things. Wonderful. _He kept walking past junk people had thrown into the alley. Tires and boxes filled with old toys, car parts strewn about carelessly. 

            The boxes rustled again but he shrugged it off blaming it on the wind. He walked on and was about to turn a corner when he heard some thing behind him.

            He turned as saw a figure it was too late however and the person pounced.

            "Get off me! I don't have anything you want." His voice was hoarse from long disuse.

            "Oh but you do young man." The person holding him down grunted.

            "No I don't have any money."

            "Tis not money I want but you Harry."

            "How do you know my name?"

            "I wonder… Maybe because I was there at your christening?" 

            "What the he- Sirius?"

            "In the flesh."

            "What are you doing?"

            "At the moment? Holding you down. Which isn't very hard."

            "Real boost of my self esteem. Why are you here?"

            "To bring you back,"

            "You're wasting your time. I won't go back. There is nothing left for me there."

            "Hmm do the names Ron and Hermione ring a bell?"

            "They don't need me." 

            "Does Ginny need you?" this stung and Harry was silent for a minute, finally he spoke quietly.

            "No. No she doesn't! They don't need me and I don't need anybody! Now let me go!"

            "No, Harry I won't you are hurting your friends by staying here. They are worried sick. You are coming with me!"

            "How? I can resist Imperio."

            "Oh? How long has it been since you've eaten Harry?"

            "I haven't had the pleasure in about 35 hours why?"

            "How would you like Hogwarts food? You wouldn't have to stay,"

            "Uh huh and I am the King of England. But I guess I can always escape as usual."

            "Yeah. If it weren't for this you could but you can't. _Stupefy!!_"

            Harry awoke a long time later on a bed. It had been an eternally long time since he had awoken on a bed. It felt so strange. To soft when he was used to sleeping on concrete but it was nice. He reached instinctively for his glasses and there they were right next to him,

            He sat up and gasped wondering if he was back in fourth year. There was Madame Pomfrey.

            "Madame?"

            "Well Potter you are awake, good." She placed a tray in front of him. "Eat up you are extremely malnourished." _I wonder._

            He dug into the food ravenously. 

            "My word Potter, how long has it been since you've eaten?" 

            "Depends. What day is it?" his mouth was fulll of food and this came out eaends at ay ith fit

            "Why it is Monday."

            He swallowed "Hmmm must have been… Friday? Saturday? Something like that." He shrugged. "Doesn't matter I'm eating now." 

            "Well I guess not. Was that usual for you? Going four days without eating?"

            "Oh gosh no! That was a good week."  The nurse mumbled her disapproval.

            "I don't know Potter seems like only yesterday you were in here begging to leave so you could go play quidditch. And now. Well I doubt a broom would even know you were on it."

            "You're probably right Madame you're probably right."

She walked out of the daycare ready to pull her hair out. The ten screaming three year olds had nearly driven her out of her mind. Before going home she stopped by the corner drug store. She bought a bottle of Aspirin. This was a high expense but the other alternative was that she would go nuts.

            When she got home she was upset with the quiet. CJ was back at school and the flat was empty. She sighed and collapsed on the cot that served as a bed for two people.

            She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew it was dark.  She wandered into the other room and dug a box out from inside a drawer. Inside there were some papers a wand and a photo album.

            She took out the photo album and opened it blowing off the dust, when she turned the page the spine cracked. 

            There was a picture of him.

            "Oh baby! Why did you leave me? We need you! Please come back baby come back to me!" she sobbed for hours. When she finally ran out of sobs. She put up the album and left the flat.  

  She wandered down the streets not realizing where she was going. Before she knew it she was in front of a place she never wanted to see again. The creaky old sign read _The Leaky Caldron._ Dear lord. She felt an inexplicable force draw her inside.

It looked no different from her memories. She wandered toward the bar and there was Tom.

"Tom?" he had his back turned and when he turned it gasped.

"Ms. Ginny! Is it you?" 

"Yeah it's me."

"Since when are you back?"

"I am not back, I kind of wandered in here."

"Well then it was meant to be. Don't you wonder how muggle bornes find this place? When someone needs to be here it draws them."

"Oh. So what does this mean?" (A/N if this was a musical Tom would burst out in song but it ain't and he ain't)

"It means my dear that it is your time to come back,"

"Oh. Well maybe." 

"Not maybe if you don't your past will haunt you."

"Like a Christmas Carol?"

"Exactly,"

"Okay well I guess I'll see you soon." Then when she left she woke and realized she was still on the bed._ Maybe I ought to take this as a sign_. 

She withdrew CJ from his school the next day. It was a long train ride out to the country church where his school was located. She arrived at the headmistress's office hot and sweaty despite the weather.

"I need to withdrawn my son Charles John Potter." She panted.

"Oh of course little Charles John I must say we'll miss him." _My kid?__ He'd kick you if you tried to call him Charles John_._ I don't think you know him lady._

"Really? Well I am sure. Now if I could have him please?"

"Of course dearie. The children are in the dining hall."

"Which way?" 

"Why northeast building but the paperwo-"

"Screw the paperwork!" she ran off and dashed into the dining hall. There was complete and utter silence until,

"Mummy!" he jumped up from a table near the front and race to her. When he jumped into her arms she buried her face in his hair.

"Hey kiddo. Guess what?"

"What?"

"We're going home!"

"Back to the stinky flat?" his choice of words was comical as they were passing a sewer that smelt like dead fish and she wondered why she sent her child here.

"No. Not that. Never again." _ Why? Why am I going back? _It was just a dream right?

"Weally? Then where are we goin'?"

"Home." She stated simply. He understood and started yakking about Uncle and Gran'ma.

"Will Gran'ma wanna see me?" _Mum is going f-ing kill me_

"I am sure she will be glad to see you sweetie. I don't know about Mummy."

"She's mad at you huh Mum." 

"I think so."

"Oh no…" CJ knew what his grandmother was like when she was mad and it was not pretty. He fell asleep on the train to the city and she was left alone with her thoughts. 

_Why am I doing this? Does it have anything to do with Him? No it can't._

She soon joined her son in slumber and was awakened by the conductor.

"Ma'am here we are Ottery St. Catcpole." She thanked him and got off leading a very tired CJ by the hand. She headed not for the house outside of the village that she had spent ages of time but a smaller one in the middle of town. It was late almost one in the morning but she knocked anyway.

She knew they must look a sight her hair was tangled and she knew they were both caked in dirt. There were noises inside lights clicked on and soon the door opened. 

"For god's sake who are you here at this hour?" the man wasn't looking at her at first then he looked down. He was not tall but he was taller than her.

"Ginny? Is that you?"

"Hello Bill." Her voice was almost a whisper and as her brother wrapped her in his strong arms she felt fourteen again. He released her after a long while and then looked down.

"Well hello little man you're asleep on your feet." He lifted her boy up and walked inside Ginny followed. Though his house was not huge it was extravagant to her after so long in a three room flat. 

She laid the light bag she had containing all her possessions on the floor in front of the couch and sat down. Bill returned Fleur in tow. They had gotten married the year before she had left.

"Geennee what brings you back?" Fleur sounded concerned but Ginny was weary of her.

"I don't know. I just felt I had to come back," she didn't tell them about the dream not now.

"I take it Mum doesn't know you are here?"" Ginny cringed.

"Would I be alive if she did?"

"And you are going to tell her how?"

"With my big strong brother in front of me. With a wand." She looked at him with her famous Puppy dog eyes.

"I was going to go over there anyway tomorrow Bill you can come."

"Yeah any thing for you Gin. Ron told me where you were. Why put yourself through that?"

"I couldn't take it here. I lasted didn't I? We are healthy. And thin but…"

"Thin? That kid is skin and bones."

"And you are a rail Geenny. Ow do you do eet?" _Fleur does anything get through that hair?_

"Simple first birth a preemie. Then eat one meal a day for three years then you add in throwing up from stress along with serious lack of appetite. Rinse and repeat." Fleur gaped at her and Bill looked overwhelmingly sympathetic.

"Oh Ginny. How ever do you do it?"

"One day at a time Bill. One day at a time. So big brother got any beds for your little sister?"

"Yeah. Sure." He got up and led her up a flight of stairs

"Thanks Bill" she said before he left her "for everything you've ever done for me." She started crying. Bill who had reached the door came over and hugged her. She buried her face in his chest.

"Shh. It's okay " he stroked her hair. Thinking _all her life she's been through crap. Why? Him._ She stopped fast enough and he left her. She crawled into the bed and slept her tears away.

She was eight or nine and it was summer. Her and Ron were darting among the trees so happy so carefree then the scene changed she was older atleast twenty and the dark was awful the voice was laughing

_"He can't save you now!_ _Then pain oh too much pain_ she awoke to birds chirping and sunlight over her face.


	3. Chapter Threes: Reuniting People

  
          Harry was wandering the halls of Hogwarts reliving the happy days of his time spent here. There was where Lupin's office used to be. Ah there was the one eyed witch. It all seemed so long ago. So dreadfully long ago that he had run these halls with Ron and Hermione. So carefree.  
Dear god he stopped in his tracks. It was this very spot thirteen years ago that dwarf had tackled him. A bell rang from somewhere in the castle though no one had ever figured out where. Thousands of footsteps echoed through the hall. A swarm of bodies surrounded him bringing him out of his dazed memories.

Some said hello to him he nodded back and kept walking without a destination. The halls cleared out almost as soon as they had crowded. He sat on the bottom stair of a swirling staircase and remembered the mad dashes between classes. He and Ron would be making fun of Snape and Hermione would yell at them for dawdling. He sighed once again beleaguered with memories. He traveled within his own galaxy for so long he didn't hear the footsteps approach.  
          He did hear the breathing over him and he started. He looked around quickly and saw Dobby the House elf three stairs above him. He stood and climbed the stairs to bridge the gap.  
          "Hello Dobby." He whispered. The houself threw his arms around Harry's waist crying,  
          "Harry Potter Sir! Dobby had missed you!" Harry reached down and pried the elves hands of his robes.  
          "I don't see why Dobby. I don't see why anyone should miss me." Dobby looked up at him with big watery eyes.   
          "Master Harry don't talk like that everyone missed you it wasn't the same without you!"  
          "Humph I'm sure." Harry spoke dryly. "I assume you were sent here Dobby?"  
          "Er yessir! Master Sirius is wanting to see you! Dobby is to take you their sir!"  
          "Well then lets go shall we?" Dobby ran off and Harry followed him. Dobby stopped at the Gargoyle that had not changed in so long except for a few more scuff marks where people had kicked it.   
          "Drobbles gum!" Dobby shrieked and it leapt aside.  
          "Thank you Dobby. I'm-I'm sorry I snapped at you. How's Winky?"  
          "Winky is good sir. She has been sober for a year now sir. Twelf steps you know.'  
          "Twelf steps?"  
          "For house elves sir. Dobby must go now. Dobby must help with the clean up from Halloween feast! Good bye Harry Potter!" Halloween that was three days ago. Did it take that long to clean up from the feast? Harry waved at the house elf as he ran off and turned to the staircase. Slowly he ascended gazing at the portraits that lined the walls. All to soon he reached the huge door.   
          He knocked and a cool voice answered,  
          "Come in Harry."  
          "How'd you know it was me Sirius?" He asked this not expecting an answer Harry opened the door to reveal an office that looked very different than it had when he was a boy. The room had obviously been turned into a strategizing room at one time due to the huge model of Hogsmeade on the floor. It seemed that this had been a long time ago and no one had bothered to do anything about it.   
          He stepped in more and closed the door. Sirius sat on an armchair gazing into the red-orange flames. Harry sat next to him in a matching arm chair. No sooner had he sat down than a weight came on to his knee.  
          "Fawkes?" Harry said marveling. The phoenix looked at him and he saw that it was indeed Fawkes. "Hello Fawkes." He stroked the smooth feathers.  
          "He wanted you to have Fawkes." Harry felt himself choke up.   
          "How long ago was it?"  
          "four years ago when he was destroyed it… it took Dumbledore too." Harry wiped the tears from his eyes wondering when he had last seen his mentor. He thought for a moment.  
          _It had been about two hours before he let. He had peeked into the room.  
          "you wished to see me Professor?"  
          "Yes Harry I did." Dumbledore had turned from his desk he looked so very old and defeated. "Are you sure you want to do this boy?" Harry flinched.  
          "Please Head- er Professor don't call me that. And yes I am sure."  
          "Sorry Harry. Well then please come back as soon as you get the word it's over."   
          "Yes sir I will." He had said this with all sincerity at the time. Dumbledore had dismissed him. As the door clicked behind him he heard his mentor whisper,  
          "If it is ever over."  
          "Is that what you called me here for Sirius?"  
          "No Harry that is not all. I feel I have to tell you this rather than you find it out on your own. It's about her. She hasn't been seen for years. Three years I think it has been. People have searched for her, tried to find her but even the Missing Persons department of the ministry couldn't find her 'course they couldn't find you either." Harry nodded calmly but internally he was sobbing. This couldn't be first he disappeared but now he was back and she was gone. Why did it have to be this way?   
          "No one has seen her for three years?" Sirius shook her head.  
          "Well someone tried to convince her to leave a little while ago but it didn't work."  
          "Who was it?" Once again the older man shook his head.  
"Doesn't matter the fact is he said she might come back. So you never know."  
          "True you don't but she wouldn't want me anyway." He sighed. It was a long low sound that seemed to come straight out of his heart. Sirius put an arm on his shoulder. He was only twenty-five years old after all.  
          "You don't know that Harry."   
          "Yes I do."   
 ________________________________________________________________

A rightly aimed frying pan caused Ginny to duck faster than a bullet train.  
          "Mum stop this please and let me explain!" she yelled over the din of clambering metal. There was no reply except for a dish aimed in her general direction. Ginny gave Bill a pleading look and he stood from where he was sitting at the table.  
          "Mom cut it out. Ginny came here to apologize and to explain which she can't do if she's unconscious." The items stopped flying and Molly Weasley turned to her children. Oldest and youngest they were close and it didn't surprise her that Ginny had gone to him first. It didn't surprise her but it hurt her.  
          "Fine explain." She spoke so icily that Ginny's heart broke.   
          "Mom…" Ginny sighed and sat down. After a moment Bill too sat.  
          "I had to leave mom it was too painful here. There were all those memories that were eating me up. I wanted to get away from it all, I wanted to escape. I'm sorry I hurt you mom but I had to go." She heard her voice crack and felt the tears on her face but she felt as if she were watching herself out of body.   
          "Virginia that is no excuse" there was a pause. "Go now, Don't come back." Ginny looked at her mother hard,  
          "Mom no!"   
          "Mom that's not fair.'  
"She wanted to get away from s than she can get away William."   
          "Oh Mom." Ginny cried racked with sobs. Bill led her out. When they were outside her sobs seemed to multiply and Bill held her closer. Finally she calmed down enough to speak.  
          "Did I ruin my entire life?"   
          "Oh Ginny." He sighed then he lifted her chin up so he could look in her eyes.  
          "Listen to me Gin we both know you shouldn't have left. But I understand your reasons and I still love you. Mom'll come around she doesn't hate the twins anymore. Well not much anyway." This caused a small giggle to come from Ginny but it was a forced laugh.   
          "C'mon let's go get CJ and hope Fleur hasn't gone nuts."   
          "She has further to go?"   
          "Just cause- Never mind." As they reached the village a figure rushed past but turned when he saw them.  
          "Hello Bill." Then on closer inspection, "Ginny?" She gave the balding man a wary smile.  
          "Um… Hi Dad?" to her relief he burst into a wide grin.   
          "Ginny! My girl you're back your mum'll be…"  
          "Mad beyond belief." Bill supplied.  
          "Oh dear." He gave Ginny a quick kiss and whispered, "I'll see what I can do with her." they continued walking on they got to Bill's house. When he unlooked the door and CJ hurdled toward them. A slower figure came after him but it wasn't Fleur.   
          "Bill." He nodded. Ginny blinked and then her eyes widened.   
          "Hello Ron." She muttered. "Please don't gloat." He came up next to her and took her arm.  
          "Wasn't going to." He smiled.  
          "I'm so sure." She grinned in spite of herself. She sat on the couch still holding CJ.   
          "Mommy." He whispered.   
          "Yeah Ceej?"   
          "Do I gotta go to school? Fleur said so." Did she now?  
          "Eventually you will."  
          "I can't mom." He whispered. "Kid's don't like me cause I can't read."  
          "I know. Shush now Uncle Ron needs to talk." She looked up at her brother. "Don't you?" he sighed and sat back in his chair. He gave a meaningful look at Bill who took CJ from Ginny and set off to find Fleur.   
          "Is he still having trouble." She looked after her young son.  
          "Yeah. He's getting better though."  
          "That's good. Now Ginny I came her to ask you something."  
          "Okay."  
          "This is strictly hypothetical. If I were to tell you say he was back what would you say?"   
          "I'd say you were off your rocker. Once he." She took a deep breath to steady her voice. "Once he decides on something his mind is set." Ron nodded.  
          "Well then I'm off my rocker." Ginny's eyes widened. She stood and started pacing.  
          "You're-you're kidding! There's no way! Does he know I'm back?" I hope not oh God he's back this can't be." They she sat again. "Ironic is it not?" Ron nodded.  
          "Irony isn't the word. I believe Kismet is."  
          "Kismet! Right! More like the devil's work"  
          "Gin!"  
          "I mean it Ron he left us and he comes back now?"  
          "Well let the pot call the kettle black."   
          "Er you have a point…"  
          "Do I?"  
           "Since when are you so kniving?"  
          "You live with Hermione for awhile."  
          "How is Hermi?"  
          "Pregnant. Need I say more?"  
          "No. How far along?"   
          "Um eight months."  
          "Congrats on making it this far, not that I'd know or anything."  
          "Is that why he has trouble in school?"   
          "Yeah. So anyway…"  
          "Yeah he doesn't know you're here but you've got to see him sometime."  
          "I don't see why."   
          "Great Friday at Hogwarts it is then.  
          "What?'! I didn't say that." Ron had already stood and was heading for the door.  
          "Ron don't! Come Back! NO I'm NOT GONNA-"  
          "See you Friday!" the door closed and she stood in the hall overcome by shock.  
  



	4. Chapter Four: The meeting

          Harry Potter ran through the same halls he had walked through the day before. Several times he nearly knocked people over as he ran blindly. When he reached the gargoyle he muttered the password and bounded up the stairs four at a time. 

          "Sirius!" he bellowed. And the door swung open.

          "You yelled?" Sirius' look was amused even though he knew the reason for this visit.  

          "You bet your life I did. Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius stepped aside and gestured into the office. Harry stepped in and started pacing.

          "Didn't know meself until I sent you that note."

          "So she's back."

          "That's right.  Showed up the same night I dragged you here."

          "And this has to do with me?" Harry glared but Sirius could see the anguish and eagerness in his eyes.

          "You love her and she loves you."

          "Once that was true. Once a long time ago, before all this. Now I know she is better off with out me and I am sure she has realized this herself." He smirked. "Yeah, I may love her but that doesn't matter. I deserted her and everything I knew I should have stayed but now I don't deserve her."

          "Don't be so bloody selfish. Harry _you don't deserve her and that may be true but she wants you."_

          "Don't be a prat Sirius she probably hates me. I'd hate me if it were that way." He sat in one of the chairs his head in his hands,

          "I highly doubt that." Harry looked up.

          "Sirius might I remind you that I don't even want to be here let alone see her? I'd rather be back sweeping chimneys than going through this." 

          "Would you really? Then how come you haven't run off?" Harry looked into Sirius' eyes but didn't speak. "I'll tell you why you didn't. You didn't leave because you want to be back. You want to see her even if you won't admit it to yourself. And you want to see your son." 

          "Right on one out of two. Sirius you are losing your touch."

          "Am I?"

          "Yes." Harry sighed. "I think." Then the door opened again and Ron Weasly burst in.

          "Hello Sirius. Hello Harry." 

          "'Lo Ron." Harry muttered. 

          "She er Sirius does he?" Sirius nodded. "Well she'll come."

          "Well isn't that just so goddamn wonderful?" Harry snarled. 

          "Actually yeh it is. Be nice to get you two back together."

          "Do you both want to torture me?" Harry muttered.

          "Harry c'mon on it'll be alright. Don't you want-"

          "I'll tell you both something. Life was so much better when somebody loved me. I woke up every morning knowing that she was there. Knowing that my life was worthwhile, knowing that somebody cared.  But now I know I never deserved that. I know that she is much better without me and that she needs to find someone else."

          "Aw bull Harry! She was so torn up after you left that it was a week before she stopped crying and a full month before she'd eat. She missed you more than she'd admit. And you miss her whether you like it or not you are going to see her."  Harry sat back in the chair resigned.

          "Okay. Okay I'll see her. Are you happy now?" both of the other men grinned.

          "Yes." They said in unison. Harry shook his head and left the room. Back in his quarters he lay on the bed wondering where all this had come from. One day he was walking along minding his own business (a bit too much) and now he was being forced to see her. Though he didn't want to admit it even to himself he knew that he wanted to see her deep down. He wanted to hold her, to love her, and inside he wanted her to love him.

          He had however lost that chance the moment he decided not to come back. Sirius had struck a nerve when he talked about his son. Yes, he wanted to see his son but did his son need a father like him? A deserter? A loser? Did he need a father who couldn't face his fears? But all that aside yes he did want to see his son. 

          He looked out the window next to the bed and saw an owl fly out of the owlery. He remembered the day that he first knew that he had to leave. 

          _He had been sitting at the table in their house in Hogsmeade sorting through the mail. A letter had fallen into his lap and he recognized the old-fashioned script as Dumbledores. Concerned immediately he opened it. The dark lord had been becoming so much more powerful._

_          Dear Harry,_

_                   Harry I am afraid that there is only one spell that can defeat Voldemort. This spell is immensely complicated and can only be preformed by the strongest wizard. Harry I know you will want to perform it but I am afraid that I must forbid you. This spell can drain a wizard of his powers or in the worst of cases his life. You have a young child and a family. I can not let you do something that will endanger them._

_          In the event that this spell backfires I am sure that Voldemort will go after the person he deems most likely to have cast it. That I am sure is you. Because of this I must ask you to go into hiding if you possibly can. I will arrange for you to be told when he is killed. Please do this Harry for the sake of the entire wizarding world.        _

_                                                          Sincerely,_

_                                                          Albus Dumbledore._

          After he finished the letter he had rushed to tell Ginny they had cried and Dumbledore arranged for his to leave a week later they had all been sure that he would come back. He had felt it, when the dark lord was destroyed the bond between the two was so strong that it had caused him some pain for a few days. Of course by then he had made his decision not to come back.

          Now that had all changed he was back, and Dumbledore was gone. Fawkes perch now sat in his room and the other item Dumbledore had given him sat in the closet. The pensive. He got it out and sat it on the desk. Taking his wand he extracted a thin gray hair from his head once it touched the pensive a figure of Ginny Weasly rose from it.

          "Oh Ginny." He whispered before tears fell down his cheeks.

          It was Friday. This was the day that she had dreaded and looked forward to for a week, she wanted to see him if only to yell at him. She left Bill's house early, she was to arrive at Hogwarts at noon but she did not want CJ to see her leave. Besides that she needed some time to think. 

          She walked up the road to her old house and sat on a rock near the edge of the garden praying that her mother wouldn't see her. This was the place that she had always come to think as a child and she missed it. 

          Her thoughts settled on him. Her husband Harry Potter. She realized that he was still her husband. She still wore his ring. She had been five months pregnant at their wedding. Not that they had gotten married because of that, quite the opposite CJ had been conceived the night of their engagement. 

          He was born a month later, two months premature. The doctors hadn't known how that would affect him but by the time he was two years old it was evident. Learning disabled with attention deffecit disorder. He was a sweet kid, loving and helpful but he went through hell at school, partly because he couldn't read and partly because all the children knew he didn't have a father. With that thought Ginny knew what she must do.

          A sudden noise startled her. She turned and nearly toppled of her rock. 

          "Oh dear, Mum. Well I'm leaving now so don't waste your breath yelling at me." 

          "Ginny- wait." Ginny turned to face her mother. 

          "What is it?" 

          "I'm sorry about the other day it's just well that I missed you so much."

          "Did you?" Ginny kept her voice flat.

          "Yes. Sweet heart please don't be mad. I love you." Ginny embraced her mother tightly.

          "I love you too mum but I have to go." She went down to the village to get her child.

          They arrived at Hogwarts exactly at noon and were shown to the headmasters' office by a houself. He was already in there. She had left CJ outside with the houself, afraid of what either of them might say or do. 

          "Hello Ginny." He said not looking quite at her. 

          "Hello Harry, it's been awhile." 

          "Er yes it has. I'm sorry about that I really am." She felt the heat well up inside her and she didn't quite know how to control it. 

          "Are you?"

          "Yes I am." 

          "And that's supposed to make up for it all?"

          "No er of course not, I just thought-"

          "You didn't think four years ago did you?"

          "No I guess I didn't but if you'd just let me explain. "

          "What's to explain?" she listened to her voice but it didn't seem like her's it sounded like… her mothers. She didn't want to do what her mother had done to her; she didn't want it to be that way.  "Sorry, you can explain I don't know what came over me." Meekly she sat down in the other chair.

          "It's not much really just that I realized what a jerk I was to leave you and I couldn't face that." 

          "Well I can't really say that I don't know what that's like. I too left this world because I couldn't face something. That however was lack of you." she thought she saw a hint of a blush in his sallow cheeks but she may have imagined it. 

          "I can't imagine why, I don't deserve to be missed."

          "He's been like this since I brought him back Ginny." Sirius commented from the desk. 

          "Why not?" Harry muttered.  "It's the truth." As angry as she may have been Ginny couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

          "No it's not Harry." He turned to her questioningly. "You are a hero no matter what. I know you think you should have been the one to cast that spell and that you were being a coward to leave us. I know you too well not to know that and I also know that it is not true. You deserve to be missed and you deserve to be loved. And you deserve to see your son." 

          "CJ?" 

          "Yes." She walked over to the door and opened it.  "I'll take him, thank you Kinky." She took CJ by the hand and led him it to the room. When they were in front of Harry she knelt down. "Ceej this is your Daddy." 

          "I gotsa real Daddy now?" Ginny nodded. Cj looked up at Harry who smiled warmly. A sudden look of panic crossed the boy's face and he whispered something in Ginny's ear. 

          "Why don't you ask him yourself?" he nodded and walked up to Harry.

          "Scuse me Daddy but will you like me even though I can't read?" Harry instinctively picked the small boy up. 

          "Of course CJ." He said smiling at him but he shot a questioning look at Ginny.

          "He has learning disabilities because of his prematurely." Harry nodded. 

          "Ginny do you think I could take him down to Hogsmeade for an ice cream?" she smiled.

          "Sure Harry bring him to Bill's house later." Harry nodded and set CJ down.

          "Its okay buddy be a good boy for Daddy." Cj nodded solemnly and Harry came up from behind throwing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. As they left Ginny stood.

          "What do you think Sirius?" she asked.

          "I think he's a damn good father and a good husband".

          "Me too."


	5. Epilouge

                             **EPILOUGE**

          Harry walked up the front steps of Bill's house in Ottery St. Catpole and knocked on the door. Fleur entered and her eyes grew wide.

          "'Arry it is you!" he smiled warmly at the part-veela.

          "Yes Fleur it is." He brushed pasted her leading CJ. Ginny was standing on a ladder helping Bill decorate the Christmas tree and CJ ran up to her.

          "Mum! I'm home!" she looked down.

          "You certainly are!" she climbed down and hugged him.

          "Can I go get my "Night Before Christmas" that Uncle Bill got me and show Daddy?" 

          "Of course." She stood and found herself looking in Harry's eyes. "Thanks for taking him he seems to have had fun."

          "He's a wonderful kid I can't believe he's ours."

          "Mystifies me too." CJ ran back into the room then a new book in his hands he sat on the couch and opened it. 

          "Want me to read it sweetie?" Ginny asked. CJ shook his head. "Odd." She said to Harry Bill just gave that to him this morning before we left and no one's read it to him yet." The words were barely out of her mouth when CJ started talking.

          "Twas the night before Chr-chr-christmas and all th-th-th-rough the huh-house not a crea-creature was-" Ginny turned and ran to him.

          "CJ are you-?" she didn't seem to be able to finish before she wrapped him in a huge hug. She turned to Harry.

          "Did you know about this?" he just grinned sheepishly. Ginny approached him slowly and put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Can we start over?"

          "Hello I'm Harry Potter."


End file.
